WUNDURFULWURLD.COM-- In a sure sign that times are tough for her campaign, Hillary Clinton announced this morning that she believes that dogs should be allowed to vote.
Reporters assumed that she was joking, but it quickly became apparent that she was not. “Dogs are very politically savvy creatures,” she said.
“They know that when our great nation has an itch, it should be scratched. And if that itch is awkwardly located, well, dogs would say ‘Go ahead, America, slide your butt around on the carpet until that itch goes away'.
“Voters in Florida and Michigan are itchy. They have so far been denied the chance to slide their butts around on the carpet.
“We must not make matters worse by also blocking dogs from having a voice in the democratic process. That injustice has gone on too long already. Dogs need to have their say, and I’m ready to listen.”
Barack Obama revealed the smooth preparedness of his own electoral machine when his team immediately handed out photographs that demonstrated that he had anticipated Clinton’s move.
The Obama team has already mobilized T-shirt wearing dogs across the country to recruit their canine friends to attend bark-offs, which are pretty much like caucuses, except bark-offs feature a lot of butt-sniffing and ass-kissing.
Okay, so maybe bark-offs are exactly like caucuses.
John McCain, meanwhile, showed that he is ready to play hardball, releasing a not very nice image of a dog with a particularly strong opinion of the Clinton team and a rather uninhibited way of communicating it.
“I don’t know a lot of dogs who are registered Democrats,” McCain told reporters. “Not even poodles. More like goldfish, maybe. Or budgies.
“Dogs are Republicans by nature. They grab life by the nuts, excuse my French. They like a big steak, a couple of drinks, maybe chew on a cigar, chase the tennis ball around a bit on Saturday afternoon, have a quick roll on the lawn out by the pool after midnight with the little bitch who lives next door, excuse my Spanish.”
Ain’t it a Wundurful Wurld?
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